DISPATCHES

The art of making art is a tough business. After all, having vision is no solution. It all depends on the execution. The process of executing can be excrutiating, or rivitolizing, or nausa inducing, or spectacular. The out come, of course, depends on the circumstances. The circumstances, of course, depends on if I have remembered to take my medication, and what personality my cast and crew is dealing with at any particular moment.
 

I make $15,000 a month as a stay at home mom! Below is a link where you can provide your credit card information below along with the corrosponding address, telephone number, social security - oh, wait. Sorry! Wrong pitch. See why I need to make sure I take on my meds?! Where were we? Yes! The dispatches!

To properly introduce you all to the wonderful world of JR VISION, it is important that I share as much as possible with you. Below are uninhibited, candid, and vulnerable moments from the set as we execute our vision. And by uninhibited, candid, and vulnerable I mean I will send nudes. If you're into that sort of thing. If not, it's cool. I know there is someone out there for me, and it shouldn't make me feel inferior; or so my therapist says.

 

DISPATCH ONE

Well, well, well. It's our first dispatch. Naturally, here we are on the set of "Raw Footage" attempting to construct a potential sex scene. This can prove to be quite difficult, especially when one of us is a virgin! Out of respect for my collegues I won't say which one, but I will say that this virgin needs to spend less time trying to entertain people on his website and try to loose his flower! All tea, all shade. Preferably chamomille tea under the palm trees in the islands of Mustique, but honestly any caffinated tea will due.

DISPATCH TWO

Our second dispatch finds us preparing for the opening scene of "Raw Footage". The concept for "Raw Footage" is that we experience what the characters experience through what is captured on their cell phone footage in preparation to make their sex video. Eager beaver Michael DeBartolo certainly didn't have any problems getting into the groove while Christopher Poeschl works on perfecting the art of blowing chunks. As a director, I have lots of experience in this arena. To prepare for this moment, Poeschl and I went undercover in character to the lower east side and got white girl wasted until we vomited all the contents of our bodies on the corner of Ludlow and Delancy. Or at least I think it was Poeschl that was with me that night. It might have been my assistant, Caprice. I get them confused a lot. They both have very similar eye brows.  Ege

DISPATCH THREE

Dispatch three captures romance blossoming on the set between resident lothario and star Michael DeBartolo, and our behind the scenes camera man Derek Cameraman. I knew the first time I placed these love birds in a room together that the sparks would fly. Mostly because Derek was asked to test the switch box, and Michael likes to play with electricity. I hope they have insurance because the freelance contract they signed before they started working for me explicitly states that JR VISION is under no obligation to cover them in the event they are harmed on set. Have you been involved in an accident on the work site that wasn't your fault? Not my problem! Best of luck, boys! #sorryimnotsorry

DISPATCH FOUR

In our fourth dispatch, we didn't start the fire. "Natalya and Ethan Do America" star Natasha Romanova didn't either. The scene we're preparing for requires the actress to light her hash joint as she raises a toast to their future. Despite her endless array of skills; actress, model, author, muse, effortlessly fabulous human being, Natasha does not possess the skills to properly use a lighter. I was incredibly disappointed that she did not bring this to my attention prior to shooting. I believe it should have been a disclaimer on her resume. To compensate for this mistake, I am putting her on blast on the world wide internets. Try pulling a fast one on me again, Natasha!

(P.S: You are beautiful, Natasha. If you begin to feel wan and exhausted as of recent don't be alarmed. It is just the beginning stages of the ritual I perform every night to harvest your soul. I desperately want to be as pretty as you are.)

(P.S.S: Does anyone know where I can get a few more buckets of lamb's blood for my soul harvesting ritual? I live in the New York, and it's too much work to go upstate to get it myself. Thanks!) 

DISPATCH FIVE

Artistic Integrity, High morals, Quality storytelling: these are three principals that are not that important on the itinerary in the wonderful world of JR VISION. Our first and foremost priority will always be making it to the top! My hunger for being on top came as quite a surprise to me considering I prided myself on being extremely versatile!

While planning our latest #JRVISION, we scouted the gay film festival circuit to see what the market was hungry for. Based on extensive research, we discovered the key ingredient to getting selected into major LGBT Film Festivals: gratuitous ass shots. So, gratuitous ass shots we did.

Fortunately for us, we hired the enormously talented, and graciously endowed, Matthew Tiberi to play our Ethan in "Natalya and Ethan Do America"! Unfortunately for Tiberi, despite all his extensive stage work he was desperate for some film work to establish his reel. In order to be hired for the role, we forced him to show his bum.


BUM LOVERS/LGBT FILM FESTIVALS/JR VISION: 1
TIBERI: 0


Th

 

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